It has come to my attention that many Turks might think I'm a raging lesbian, since I spend much of my time mentioning "pussy" in otherwise polite conversations.
Take this run-of-the-mill exchange with a waiter:
w: What would you like?
me: Pussy. Puuuuuussssy. Lamb kebap and rice.
w: And to drink?
me: Pussssyyy. Just water.
w: Anything else? Appetizer to start?
m: Pussy. Puuu... no. That's fine for now. Thanks.
w: Of course.
You see, in Turkish, "um" means "pussy." So while I innocently try to decipher the menu and then search for the right words in this unfamiliar tongue, I have a pseudo-sexual, oddly repetitive dialogue with unwitting victims.
I wish I could say that this problem is isolated to restaurant conversations. I wish I could say that. But I can't. I have said "pussy" to grandmothers, mothers, fathers, uncles, waiters, teachers and potential employers. I'm an equal opportunity offender when it comes to reminding people of the slang term that refers to that no-no special place that lives between a woman's thighs.
Welcome to Türkiye.
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